I've been meaning to write...

I have moved a bunch of times in my life. And moving around the country has left me with various relationships scattered around the map which it seemed I always maintained better right after a move. Something about moving has always brought back all the emotions of other "moves".  Moving to a new place always makes me think not only of the people I have just left--but all the places I have been before--and all those people--afresh.

Back in the olden days of handwritten letters in the mail box--it seemed I would begin every letter with some version of: "I'm sorry it's been so long, but I have been thinking of you often." or "I've really been meaning to write, but..."

I feel that way now, as I sit down to type. I really have been meaning to write. And I really have been thinking of friends and loved ones in all sorts of places that I used to be. Probably in no small part, because we just moved--but I just haven't been able to let my mind settle in one place long enough to know quite what to say. 

As I mentioned, moving always makes me reflect on other moves. There is a certain brand of nostalgia I associate with moving. I can't help but think of our last move: from Texas to Jinotega, and the drama, change, and growth that it produced. I spent some time looking back through this blog, and thinking about the physical process of packing up, and yard sale-ing, and all the trucks and boxes and work and the generosity of  people who helped. 

abundance     happening so fast     off hand remarks  

There is a phrase you hear a lot here when someone is thanking you, "Dios te lo pagará. God will repay you." I renew my thanks for all of you who helped during that crazy transition and who continue to make this strange new life possible for us. I never can, but God will repay you

I've moved a bunch of times. (more than 30 times, which feels like a bunch) With help, and all alone. But I have never, ever, ever moved in one day.

It was a Tuesday and we were standing with the agents from immigration in our living room, showing them that we in fact had an established household, and really did live here, every doo-dad on its shelf and decoration in place. 

Wednesday morning, I started packing our stuff. Do you see what I am saying? Started. Wednesday at lunch some guys from the mission helped us haul it to our new house. We were done by 2:30. Seriously. The very first thing got packed that morning, and we were all done in time for Jonathan to start building some furniture before it even got dark. That's crazy! And as much as I worry about the contrast between our high standard of living compared with our some of our brothers here, and as much as I bemoan all the stuff we keep accumulating and must manage, I was reminded what a blessing we have received in being liberated from the sheer amount of work that moving has been in the past. One day! Can you imagine?

/new kitchen, unpacked and ready to go. fresh lemons on the counter

no closets? no problem, Jonathan will just whip one up

The following Wednesday, we were throwing our first big house party. We asked all the church members, mission workers, and neighbors to join us for a giant pot of chili and a wash tub full of cabbage slaw. Our new house was blessed by at least 80 friends who came to celebrate with us.

Living in a neighborhood is opening my eyes to Nicaragua again. There are so many new sights and sounds that I feel in many ways like I did when I first moved here two years ago. Waking up to the sing-song call of the milk man pushing his cart down the street each morning, stepping out the door to pick some lemons for dinner, washing clothes in a bucket, and hanging them on the line in the evening while fruit bats circle overhead, listening to the guitar maker across the street tuning up, passing water through the window to thirsty kids running from school. Just a short walk away from the market center where we've been living, but it feels like a whole new country around us. 

Even working at the mission feels different, as I learn to manage time differently, and see new progress in projects that have quietly simmered on a back burner. I've had a much greater focus on time in the vision clinic, on teacher training, and on curricular resources--which has been re-energizing. 

Like each time I have moved, there is a sense of the bittersweet. The excitement of the new is not completely without the shadow of loss. Change of any kind can be disconcerting--and while this move is just across town-- it has coincided with some other difficult changes in the Church and its work. While we are physically in a time of evaluation, ("Where should we keep this frying pan? Do we need more towel hooks?") we as a family of believers in Jinotega are in a time of spiritual evaluation, ("Why did that happen? Is that a good or bad thing? What should our response be?") 

I don't know if moving affects you this way or not. I don't know if it makes you inexplicably pensive. I don't know if it makes you long for contact with old friends, or if mental movies of years past flash behind your eyes when you tape up boxes. I don't know if change in one area of life makes you feel more sensitive to changes that may be needed in other areas. I don't know what types of experiences make your eyes blink and look around as though you've never seen anything before. But that's kind of how it is for me. 

And if I had blue flowered stationary I would say; 

"I have been thinking of you, and I'm sorry that it's been so long, I really have been meaning to write."

A Tale of Two Plants

The last few weeks have felt so big to me.

There have been some measurable "accomplishments", some new experiences, and some deeper insights. There have been these long-waited for moments that I can only describe as a feeling of success--teacher trainings, routine and functional vision clinics, long range plans and projects finally "getting off the ground".

And then, in the midst of all this "progress"--today feels like a set-back. Today's little hurdle is for some reason, looming like an unscalable wall.

I wish I knew where to begin. I wish I knew which parts matter. I guess I'll just show you these plants.

Jonathan bought me these hydrangeas on our first wedding anniversary in Nicaragua. They are my favorite flower, ones I grew and carried in our wedding, and ones that in some places, cover the hillsides here. So in August of 2012, he got permission from our landlord for me to take over a small flowerbed inside the hallway that is in front of our apartment in the Mission. He took me to a hillside covered with blooming hydrangeas, and we bought a few of the healthiest plants.

That was, you might say, quite a while ago, and they look exactly the same.

Exactly.

They haven't died.
They haven't grown.
They've never bloomed.
They look the same almost 3 summers later, as they did when they were first planted there. How is that even possible?!? It seems they should, (in the words of perhaps the most over-quoted movie ever) "Either get busy living, or get busy dying."

I didn't actually take this picture. 

Every time I pass these perpetually static plants, I can't help but wonder--is this me? Am I, like these plants just holding on, just maintaining, and never blooming? Do I celebrate their endurance or curse their ineffectiveness?

Then there is the chaya.

Chaya is a common vegetable here--delicious, plentiful, and cheap. It grows on a vine and tastes kind of like a potatoe-y squash.

I didn't take this picture either. You can tell, since it's not blurry.

A chaya in my vegetable drawer was sprouting leaves so I decided to plant it. It went into the same partially lit patch of ground as my hydrangeas--but just one day later, had already sent up a runner almost a foot high.

For the next few weeks it was remarkable--you could literally watch it grow. Pass by at 6 in the morning and mark how high it stood on the wall, and by 8 you'd see another 3 or 4 inches. Just endless, rapid, unbelievable change.

Within a few months it had scaled not only the first floor, but had taken over the third floor as well! Even battling the ministrations of packs of pigeons and sparrows, it has survived and spread.

chaya vine, begins just behind hydrangea

chaya growing past first floor doorway

chaya level 2

chaya--reaches roof of garage area

But you know what? It has never flowered either.  It's never produced a chaya for my table, not even a blossom.

It makes me wonder, for all its vining and growing, is it any different than the homeostatic hydrangeas?

I know there is a lesson here for me.

Every single time I pass these plants I think: "Well, there is an object lesson just waiting to happen."
I have even sat down to write about these plants on more than one occasion, and read lots of verses about endurance, patience, perseverance, and spiritual maturity. And of course, that famous planter and his seeds.
(*insider tip: those tan words are the Bible verses, go click on 'em and read 'em.)

I wanted an easy to swallow lesson (meaning, something I didn't feel I was personally struggling with) that related to bearing fruit and growth, and that would leave me feeling wise and all spiritual-y without having to actually confront my own weakness.

I guess I need a better concordance--'cuz I never found those scriptures.

What I am left with, is that same old lesson again: that God's ways are not our ways.  When I look at these plants, I can't help but notice that while they may appear opposite--one growing so rapidly and profusely while the other remains unchanged year after year--what truly defines them is that neither is fruitful. And see, the thing about God is--that the fruits He tells us to look for in our lives, are not fruits that are easy to measure by human standards.

You know the ones:
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
faith, righteousness, knowledge, self-control, patient endurance, godliness, brotherly kindness, love
(Galatians 5: 22-23  and  2 Peter 1:3-11)

It would be so much easier if "fruits" were the same as "accomplishments". Accomplishments would be such great fruits! I can see them, count them, take their picture, put them in a spreadsheet, analyze them, celebrate them, improve upon them, measure, record and report them.

Exactly all the things I can not do with the real fruits God points me toward.

And just like those plants: my outward appearance and actions have so little to do with how fruitful I am being.

I can rush around, busy with works, putting out vines and growing bundles of leaves--and be fruitless.
I can stay stuck in a mucky rut, persevering through trials, unmoved--and be fruitless.

The lesson I don't want to learn, that I see every time I pass these plants, is that God is not measuring the way we measure. He is not looking for the things we humans want to look for. His definition of "accomplishments" is not the same as the one we use among ourselves.

In fact, you can look it up: When the bible uses a word we translate "accomplish" it only, ever, always is talking about the action of God. Oh sure, I say out loud all the right words about how God is the one doing things and not me. But inside--it feels like, "Yep, today I really accomplished something." Or sometimes, "What a frustrating pile of obstacles today has been."

When in reality, I am just some days the plant whose leaves never change, and other days the plant with millions of leaves crawling up on the ceiling--but the fruit? Yeah. That's something different.

"...remain in me..."

Guest Post: Colette Price

For the last few weeks, I have been blessed by working very closely with a young woman who has recently joined the crew here in Jinotega; Colette Price.

One of the projects we have shared time and prayer over, is One Child Matters. I'd love to tell you all about it, but she's done such a great job explaining the needs this program seeks to meet, I'd prefer you hear it from her.

(the following is taken from her blog, Continually Growing where she has plenty of other great stuff to share)

Cada Niña Cuenta

Okay. So I have mentioned One Child Matters (Cada Niño Cuenta en Español) a lot… let’s see if I can paint a more detailed picture of what that program looks like in Nicaragua. 

First, I want to give a summary from a recent article about education statistics in Nicaragua:

1. On average, half of the teachers are untrained and not certified.

2. Teachers are poorly paid and receive an average salary of $200.

3. Approximately 94% of students entering university are failing the entrance exams.

4. The school infrastructure is lacking with large class sizes and 25% of classrooms are in desperate need of repair.

5. Students are dropping out of school with 4 out of 10 students dropping out before grade 6 and half that enroll in grade six will not graduate.

6. Many school-aged children are not enrolled in school. It is extremely difficult to collect accurate data, because the government seeks to portray the best scenario possible. 

Read the full article at: http://nkboersema.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-context-of-education-in-nicaragua.html 

With this being said. Our students need help! So this is where One Child Matters comes in!

“One Child Matters believes that a holistic approach – ministering to all of a child’s needs, not just a select few – is the most effective method of promoting child development. This is why we carefully and thoughtfully minister to each child’s spiritual, physical, socio-emotional, and mental needs. 

Much like a flower, a child will grow and mature to a limited extent regardless of whether or not each of their specific needs are met. But the degree of nurturing a child receives will determine whether or not that child truly blossoms. By facilitating the holistic development of children under our care, we help a child reach his or her God-given potential. 

One Child Matters is not seeking to westernize our children or merely provide a handout; we do not promote a particular cultural mindset or create a state of dependence. Instead, One Child Matters hopes that by nurturing the needs of the whole child, we are equipping them with the ability to fulfill God’s specific calling on their life.”

Again. More about OCM at: onechildmatters.org

So what does this program look like in Nicaragua?!

·      2 development centers (Jinotega and Apanas)

·      6 hours of mentoring each week (in two sessions)

·      100 students in each center

·      4 staff members at each center

·      3 amazing administrators (Edwin, Ileana and Juan Carlos)

·      1 Faithful Father who makes it all come together

Two weeks ago (March 17-21) was full-on training for 8 mentors and staff. They worked with Edwin and Ileana in the morning; then Sheila and I in the afternoon. We talked about ways to help children learn and grow without thinking “classroom mindset.” Things like having clear expectations, having a detailed plan of the day, different types of activities (individual and group, active and calm) and we even got to have circle/calendar time! Sheila is a wonderful teacher with years of experience in teaching and training teachers. So she was able to give specific direction for these new mentors. I had an opportunity to share some things I learned over the last year working at Kidz Academy and the Havens. By Friday, the mentors and staff were very excited for the program to start.

pretending it's calendar time

Week one in Apanas

One of the mentors working one-on-one improving letter recognition!

While the first week (March 24-28) wasn’t perfect, we would certainly say it was a success! The children came- that was a big answered prayer as attendance is not a recorded thing in Nicaragua. The staff was ready to handle the expected- then dealt with the unexpected. We are so hopeful to see this program thrive and have an impact on these children. The mentors have told us over and over that they want to make these centers a safe place where the children grow and trust them. Please keep praying that this happens. Continue to pray for renewed energy for the mentors and a desire to learn from the children. Continue to join us in prayer that all these wonderful children will be sponsored.

The Incredible Staff.  Such beautiful women of God.

We have weekly meetings on Friday to stay on the same page, see what worked (or not) in the last week and get more ideas for what's coming up. This picture was from our first Friday brainstorming. They came with great questions and triumphs. It's been so encouraging to see their enthusiasm!

Thank you for sharing in our joy, excitement and petitions to the Father!

March Update

Hello All:

We have been busy this month. No real surprise, I guess. We have had three weeks of 40 or more and are hosting 17 now. The groups have been from Texas Tech Medical School, Dothan, Alabama; Fellowship Church of San Antonio and Harding University. Our current group is from Coeur d’Alene, ID. This is a particularly special group because it is the birthplace of one Sheila Clark, a.k.a. Sheila Holland, and because in the group is a very good friend of hers, Katrina Swaim from her Harding days.

Two weeks ago, while TTU Med School was here, we screened the eyes of about 600 children in three different schools. This was made possible because of the purchase of a mobile auto-refractor Misión Para Cristo received via a grant. Last week I spent the week doing follow-ups and referrals. Sheila spends each Wednesday morning in the mission’s medical clinic running vision tests on walk-in clients. She then pulls and fits appropriate glasses, refers others to local optometrists, and sadly, must send some away without any improvement.

We have been blessed with the opportunity to move out of the mission facility and in doing so we will be relieved of some of the 24/7 duties. If everything falls into place, financially and otherwise, we will be able to move in the not-too-distant future. We have found a small house in a nearby neighborhood. The house is new and is adorned in all the typical bright colors of the homes here in Nicaragua.

This past Monday we once again met with immigration in Managua and were assured that the final step for residency is just around the corner. We are to meet again with them on April 14. Upon completion of our residency we, and a new home that could accommodate children, we will be ready to submit all the necessary paperwork to initiate the adoption proceedings. God is blessing us.

Along with these changes comes the need for additional funding. We are not asking our current supporters to give more money (unless you just want to J) but are asking all supporters to pray that we can find an additional $400/monthly, at least until our home in Georgetown is rented again. We would like to find an additional congregational sponsor for the new monthly need, or a way to bank $4,800 to cover the housing cost for a year.

My truck sold this past month so the short term finances are stable and the emergency “get back to Texas” money is available.

This month’s prayer targets:

Prayers of Petition:

·        Spiritual strength for employees of Mision Para Cristo – Many are feeling the attacks of Satan very directly in their lives

·        Direct Funding to better serve and equip those with whom we work in Jinotega

·        Focus to remain faithful to the work to which we have been called

·        Finality in the residency process

Prayers of Thanks:

·        New equipment allowing us to provide physical opportunities to open spiritual doors

·        New home and the tranquility and new opportunities it affords

·        Steps that are getting us closer to residency.

Fruit of the day: Marañon

On a recent trip to Managua, I met the sweetest, oldest fruit vendor on the planet, and she gave me several "new to me" fruits to try, and explained many recipes and preparations for each of them. One of the most interesting was marañon. Unfortunately--soft tropical fruits and a day of bumping around in a hot van in Managua equals nothing but a smear on the van floor and an odor you don't really want to know more about. So, I was doubly delighted when my friend Caryn dropped by just to bring me a weird fruit she had come across. You guessed it: marañon!

In English they are called cashew apples, and yes, that weird little tumor on the end is a cashew nut.

In what is beginning to feel like a theme around here, I found once again that the flavor and the aroma of the fruit (or should I say "pseudo-fruit") are completely unrelated. This thing does not smell good. Once you cut it open, there is a distinctly sweet I-think-I-smelled-that-before-when-the-trash-bag-leaked-brown-water-everywhere kind of smell. The kind of smell that makes you not want to take a bite.

But you can't ask people to bring you weird foods and then not eat them--so I tried it, and it was not a bit like the smell. The flesh is very fibrous and almost sticky. You can't cut a slice from it very easily--it is both mushy and tough at the same time--the stringy bits are surrounded by slimy bits that kind of re-congeal together when poked with a knife. It tastes sweet--but not in a familiar fruity way--maybe more like the aftertaste of pudding? The most striking thing about the taste is how astringent it is. That's the dry-your-mouth-out feeling that can be kind of a strange experience when you aren't expecting it. Imagine a very very strong black tea: that drying feeling it leaves behind in your mouth is the most prominent part of the tasting experience.

Another important note: it says here that due to their very thin and delicate skin cashew apples don't travel well (I know, Managua van ride) and that they only last at room temperature about a day. How true, because by the time I was finished with my tasting/photo shoot, the fruit which had been perfectly beautiful an hour before was already molding.

OK: I know. You're dying to know about the nut itself. Maybe you've even heard about how dangerous it is. (No? Well, think to yourself, have you ever bought unshelled cashew nuts? No? there's a reason for that)

The nut (or more properly seed) is incased in a double shell with a framework of cavities which are full of a dark resinous oily stuff, that evidently is a really bad thing unless you are a chemical manufacturer of commercial lubricants, and stuff.

I was worried that opening was going to be one of those "Indiana-Jones-villians-open-the-ark-against-all-advice-and-their-faces-are-immediately-melted-off" kind of moments. But I am happy to report that I opened the shell and 0% of me was melted.

this was not me

I had previously read that normally the shell is roasted to de-activate all the caustic, slimy, goo. But I was determined to  just bust the thing open and see it in all it's natural glory.

Look at that gigantic cashew inside! I wonder if roasting them makes them shrink, because I've never seen one that big in the Planter's can.

Now, I read that the wet slime in side the hard black shell is technically called urushiol oil and is in the same family of chemicals as poison oak and poison ivy. Here I am valiantly touching the slime and thinking of two dear friends with severe poison plant allergies who would literally fall over dead if they knew I was doing this.

And then came the best part of all: eating a raw cashew! I mean, this is not an opportunity available to everyone. So, I peeled off the papery husk on the nut...

Yum! Raw cashew! It tasted...you know, like a cashew. I tried and tried to get Jonathan to taste it with me. He was convinced I hadn't read carefully enough about appropriate handling procedures, and other stuff about "fool-hardy self-poisoning". Which seemed not only melodramatic, but an over use of hyphenation for one sentence.  In the end, he insisted he needed to stay away from the cashew, in case I suddenly needed medical assistance. Or, as he put it, "To explain your demise to your mother when you suddenly keel over at the keyboard."

How silly. I explained that there was no real dang.. jkloiou    uuugpoisdjkk

Oh.

Fruit of the Day: Chocolate

A) No, it is not cheating to call it a fruit (or even a vegetable or a berry depending on the discipline you choose to ask to define it.)
And also part 2) It is not cheating to post about chocolate when I already have. Think of this post as a a prequel.

So--chocolate!
Well, O.K. cacao actually. You see, there is no physical way that with the equipment available to me I can turn

 this   into this



But that doesn't mean cacao is not interesting and sort of delicious in it's own way. Just don't expect "chocolate" and you may be quite pleased with what comes from this strange pod.

Just look at it! Isn't it exotic and weird?

It grows sticking straight out of the side of a tree like creepy alien insect race deposited it there.

Then you bust it open to find all of this  mess:

From previous experience jaunting around the internet, I knew that the next phase in commercial chocolate production was a process of fermenting and drying the slimy stuff off of the cacoa beans.
Here's a nice short summary of the chocolate making process.

In further internet wanderings, I read that the pulp of the fruit is also edible.

Note: "edible" means you won't die if you eat it, not that you should eat it. I need to remember that there is probably a reason that for hundreds of years people have been eating cacoa seeds and you never ever ever hear of people eating any other parts. Yep. There's much to be learned from history.

Alright, it wasn't like, disgusting or anything. But four or five tastes into it, I decided it wasn't that bad of an idea to just spit the thing out. That's when I noticed that the under all that slimy stuff, the un-dried, un-fermented bean is not a rich chocolate-y brown/black like I expected, but...are you ready?...purple!

If you just eat the bean in all its fresh, raw, purple glory, it tastes like a nut and leaves the faintest bitter aftertaste of coffee or chocolate in your mouth. I was very surprised at how different in texture, flavor, and of course color, the fresh cacoa beans are from the dried beans I have played around with before.

For more chocolate adventures: read this old post. (I mean sequel).

February Update

Hello all:

February was a change for us. It was mostly good with some minor disappointments, but a reminder  and understanding that God is still in control.

Benny Baker, our executive director, and his wife Donna, returned after being out about 6 weeks for surgery. It is good to have them back as our work load has been lightened. Thank God for his successful procedure and healthy return.

Our trip to Managua for a couple days of R&R before a very busy March was welcomed and included what we hoped would be our final trip to the immigration authorities. Turns out they enjoy our company so much they would like for us to return again on 14 March. This was disappointing, but we see it as minor. Maybe next time...

Sheila and I have been looking for a house to rent as we prepare for what is next here for us. While the convenience of the mission apartment is great, we need to be looking ahead. We would love to have some things we are missing by living in the mission apartment: fresh air, some neighbors, windows that look outside instead of to hallways and other offices, less bus honking, a garden so Sheila can grow cilantro, to name a few. There are good options, but they come and go quickly so being ready with the right timing to pull the trigger is everything.This is an area where we have seen some additional minor disappointments, but we know it has been for the best. The search continues. We are hoping to rent our home in Georgetown soon in a way that covers our costs a little better. 

Our house in Georgetown has had several issues which have hit our savings account fairly hard. We were fortunate to have enough savings to address the issue. The work is almost done. We are down to needing to re-insulate the attic. 

We were treated by a group of wonderful people, based out of Center, Texas to a few days at the beach in Montelimar, south of Managua. Not only was the time relaxing and rewarding, but the bonding of friendships was even more valuable. These folks were here almost two weeks and are a great reminder that work ethic is everything - something that we all need reminding of frequently.

We are blessed to have so many supporters who believe in what we are doing here. We are grateful to have you first and foremost as prayer warriors who have directed prayers to our Master, who in return has blessed us exceedingly. Secondly, we have been provided for financially. Although there are times when finances are tight, we still are taken care of and still have so very much more than those around us. Thank you for all you do. We can't say this more sincerely.

The young preacher in the Apanas community, Juan Carlos, with whom I have been helping in the development of a children's program, has registered 185 children for Sunday school. Talk about blessings! This is requiring a complete shift in how we have been doing things in the development and direction of the program. REALLY seeking God's continued guidance in this! 

This month's themes for your concert of prayers:

• Completion of the immigration process and receipt of our Nicaraguan ID's on 14 March
• Completion of the application step in the adoption process 
• Sale of the truck in Georgetown to replenish savings account
• Successful rental of the Georgetown house after the work is completed
• Success of finding a house to call home outside of the mission
• Effective work this month with the 100+/- guests coming to serve along side us
• Continued blessings as we evaluate and re-evaluate each project and process of the work being done by Mision Para Cristo
• Effective teaching of the importance of transparency and honesty among work and workers of Mision Para Cristo
• Juan Carlos and I as we work with the children of the Apanas community