Fruit of the day: Marañon

On a recent trip to Managua, I met the sweetest, oldest fruit vendor on the planet, and she gave me several "new to me" fruits to try, and explained many recipes and preparations for each of them. One of the most interesting was marañon. Unfortunately--soft tropical fruits and a day of bumping around in a hot van in Managua equals nothing but a smear on the van floor and an odor you don't really want to know more about. So, I was doubly delighted when my friend Caryn dropped by just to bring me a weird fruit she had come across. You guessed it: marañon!

In English they are called cashew apples, and yes, that weird little tumor on the end is a cashew nut.

In what is beginning to feel like a theme around here, I found once again that the flavor and the aroma of the fruit (or should I say "pseudo-fruit") are completely unrelated. This thing does not smell good. Once you cut it open, there is a distinctly sweet I-think-I-smelled-that-before-when-the-trash-bag-leaked-brown-water-everywhere kind of smell. The kind of smell that makes you not want to take a bite.

But you can't ask people to bring you weird foods and then not eat them--so I tried it, and it was not a bit like the smell. The flesh is very fibrous and almost sticky. You can't cut a slice from it very easily--it is both mushy and tough at the same time--the stringy bits are surrounded by slimy bits that kind of re-congeal together when poked with a knife. It tastes sweet--but not in a familiar fruity way--maybe more like the aftertaste of pudding? The most striking thing about the taste is how astringent it is. That's the dry-your-mouth-out feeling that can be kind of a strange experience when you aren't expecting it. Imagine a very very strong black tea: that drying feeling it leaves behind in your mouth is the most prominent part of the tasting experience.

Another important note: it says here that due to their very thin and delicate skin cashew apples don't travel well (I know, Managua van ride) and that they only last at room temperature about a day. How true, because by the time I was finished with my tasting/photo shoot, the fruit which had been perfectly beautiful an hour before was already molding.

OK: I know. You're dying to know about the nut itself. Maybe you've even heard about how dangerous it is. (No? Well, think to yourself, have you ever bought unshelled cashew nuts? No? there's a reason for that)

The nut (or more properly seed) is incased in a double shell with a framework of cavities which are full of a dark resinous oily stuff, that evidently is a really bad thing unless you are a chemical manufacturer of commercial lubricants, and stuff.

I was worried that opening was going to be one of those "Indiana-Jones-villians-open-the-ark-against-all-advice-and-their-faces-are-immediately-melted-off" kind of moments. But I am happy to report that I opened the shell and 0% of me was melted.

this was not me

I had previously read that normally the shell is roasted to de-activate all the caustic, slimy, goo. But I was determined to  just bust the thing open and see it in all it's natural glory.

Look at that gigantic cashew inside! I wonder if roasting them makes them shrink, because I've never seen one that big in the Planter's can.

Now, I read that the wet slime in side the hard black shell is technically called urushiol oil and is in the same family of chemicals as poison oak and poison ivy. Here I am valiantly touching the slime and thinking of two dear friends with severe poison plant allergies who would literally fall over dead if they knew I was doing this.

And then came the best part of all: eating a raw cashew! I mean, this is not an opportunity available to everyone. So, I peeled off the papery husk on the nut...

Yum! Raw cashew! It tasted...you know, like a cashew. I tried and tried to get Jonathan to taste it with me. He was convinced I hadn't read carefully enough about appropriate handling procedures, and other stuff about "fool-hardy self-poisoning". Which seemed not only melodramatic, but an over use of hyphenation for one sentence.  In the end, he insisted he needed to stay away from the cashew, in case I suddenly needed medical assistance. Or, as he put it, "To explain your demise to your mother when you suddenly keel over at the keyboard."

How silly. I explained that there was no real dang.. jkloiou    uuugpoisdjkk

Oh.

Fruit of the Day: Chocolate

A) No, it is not cheating to call it a fruit (or even a vegetable or a berry depending on the discipline you choose to ask to define it.)
And also part 2) It is not cheating to post about chocolate when I already have. Think of this post as a a prequel.

So--chocolate!
Well, O.K. cacao actually. You see, there is no physical way that with the equipment available to me I can turn

 this   into this



But that doesn't mean cacao is not interesting and sort of delicious in it's own way. Just don't expect "chocolate" and you may be quite pleased with what comes from this strange pod.

Just look at it! Isn't it exotic and weird?

It grows sticking straight out of the side of a tree like creepy alien insect race deposited it there.

Then you bust it open to find all of this  mess:

From previous experience jaunting around the internet, I knew that the next phase in commercial chocolate production was a process of fermenting and drying the slimy stuff off of the cacoa beans.
Here's a nice short summary of the chocolate making process.

In further internet wanderings, I read that the pulp of the fruit is also edible.

Note: "edible" means you won't die if you eat it, not that you should eat it. I need to remember that there is probably a reason that for hundreds of years people have been eating cacoa seeds and you never ever ever hear of people eating any other parts. Yep. There's much to be learned from history.

Alright, it wasn't like, disgusting or anything. But four or five tastes into it, I decided it wasn't that bad of an idea to just spit the thing out. That's when I noticed that the under all that slimy stuff, the un-dried, un-fermented bean is not a rich chocolate-y brown/black like I expected, but...are you ready?...purple!

If you just eat the bean in all its fresh, raw, purple glory, it tastes like a nut and leaves the faintest bitter aftertaste of coffee or chocolate in your mouth. I was very surprised at how different in texture, flavor, and of course color, the fresh cacoa beans are from the dried beans I have played around with before.

For more chocolate adventures: read this old post. (I mean sequel).

February Update

Hello all:

February was a change for us. It was mostly good with some minor disappointments, but a reminder  and understanding that God is still in control.

Benny Baker, our executive director, and his wife Donna, returned after being out about 6 weeks for surgery. It is good to have them back as our work load has been lightened. Thank God for his successful procedure and healthy return.

Our trip to Managua for a couple days of R&R before a very busy March was welcomed and included what we hoped would be our final trip to the immigration authorities. Turns out they enjoy our company so much they would like for us to return again on 14 March. This was disappointing, but we see it as minor. Maybe next time...

Sheila and I have been looking for a house to rent as we prepare for what is next here for us. While the convenience of the mission apartment is great, we need to be looking ahead. We would love to have some things we are missing by living in the mission apartment: fresh air, some neighbors, windows that look outside instead of to hallways and other offices, less bus honking, a garden so Sheila can grow cilantro, to name a few. There are good options, but they come and go quickly so being ready with the right timing to pull the trigger is everything.This is an area where we have seen some additional minor disappointments, but we know it has been for the best. The search continues. We are hoping to rent our home in Georgetown soon in a way that covers our costs a little better. 

Our house in Georgetown has had several issues which have hit our savings account fairly hard. We were fortunate to have enough savings to address the issue. The work is almost done. We are down to needing to re-insulate the attic. 

We were treated by a group of wonderful people, based out of Center, Texas to a few days at the beach in Montelimar, south of Managua. Not only was the time relaxing and rewarding, but the bonding of friendships was even more valuable. These folks were here almost two weeks and are a great reminder that work ethic is everything - something that we all need reminding of frequently.

We are blessed to have so many supporters who believe in what we are doing here. We are grateful to have you first and foremost as prayer warriors who have directed prayers to our Master, who in return has blessed us exceedingly. Secondly, we have been provided for financially. Although there are times when finances are tight, we still are taken care of and still have so very much more than those around us. Thank you for all you do. We can't say this more sincerely.

The young preacher in the Apanas community, Juan Carlos, with whom I have been helping in the development of a children's program, has registered 185 children for Sunday school. Talk about blessings! This is requiring a complete shift in how we have been doing things in the development and direction of the program. REALLY seeking God's continued guidance in this! 

This month's themes for your concert of prayers:

• Completion of the immigration process and receipt of our Nicaraguan ID's on 14 March
• Completion of the application step in the adoption process 
• Sale of the truck in Georgetown to replenish savings account
• Successful rental of the Georgetown house after the work is completed
• Success of finding a house to call home outside of the mission
• Effective work this month with the 100+/- guests coming to serve along side us
• Continued blessings as we evaluate and re-evaluate each project and process of the work being done by Mision Para Cristo
• Effective teaching of the importance of transparency and honesty among work and workers of Mision Para Cristo
• Juan Carlos and I as we work with the children of the Apanas community

not in the brochure

It might be the question I dread the most: “What did you do today?” or its cousin “So, what do you do when there are no groups staying here?” Wait, maybe the question I dread the most is “Can I have a brighter light bulb?” No…on second thought, it’s definitely the first ones. 

It seems lately that when somebody asks me that (in a voice filled with love and interest) the snarky voice in my head wants to snap, (in a voice most devoid of love) “Well, nothing that would make the brochure!”

And the more and more I think on it—that voice is dead right.

And that’s a good thing.

Ya see, sometimes my grouchy self, instead of hearing “What did you do today?” hears, “Did you do anything today?” And it is in my nature to want to give a report about my productivity, as though my worth is tied up in how many valuable items got scratched off a to-do list. I want to tell about projects I accomplished—because hard work feels good, and accomplishing things feels good, and it makes me feel important and needed and, well, good.  But most days I can’t sum up my day with bullet points of progress.  More days start like this: 

• 5:30 get up and go check on breakfast upstairs 
• Make several pots of coffee.
• Run up and down the stairs and in and out of locked cabinets getting various items such as: a pen, some glue, hand sanitizer, a better knife, napkins, some different glue, a box, a smaller box, make and bring some photocopies, some rubber bands, toilet paper, a hammer, another blanket, a different pillow, a scale, the first box we started with
•  8:00 go to devotional

And while all this bustling around can leave me feeling self important and valuable—it’s nothing that would make the brochure. It’s nothing that you can sum up as an accomplishment. 

There are other times when the pace is quite different. The mission building is empty and quiet, and nobody is asking me what the guy on the loudspeaker is saying, or why there are ants on the wall. Sometimes those days go like this:

 (and I confess, this is an actual whiny letter I wrote my mommy, which she convinced me to share)

• ·         Since nothing was going on we invited a family from church over for dinner
• ·         9:30 I went to the markets--which were packed so I didn't get back till after 11
• ·         Then I cleaned the kitchen
• ·         I started cooking the chicken and mixing up the cake 
• ·         Then the refrigerator started making a terrible noise--so Jonathan pulled it out and I researched on the internet what might be wrong--and we emptied it, and unplugged, and defrosted with a blow drier.
• ·         And since it was empty I cleaned it, and since it was pulled out I cleaned behind it. 
• ·         Then it started working again, (yay!) so I put everything back. 
• ·         Then I started chopping onions, and cut my hand. So I stopped to put ice on it, but then the hall was full of smoke so I started trying to figure out why. Then Jonathan checked it out after I kept bugging him about it and discovered it was our landlord burning something in front of the baby Jesus statue in the hallway--so I went back to work.
• ·         Of course, since I had bled all over counter, I had to clean the kitchen again.
• ·         Back to chopping onions---cut my other finger. 
• ·         More cleaning kitchen counters. More bandaging.
• ·         Reheat leftovers for lunch. It's about 1:30
• ·         Wash lunch dishes.
• ·         Chicken done and shredded, Macaroni cooked and drained, 
• ·         Washed all those dishes so I could make the cheese sauce. 
• ·         Grate cheese, make sauce, mix everything together, put in fridge.
• ·         Make jamaica tea.
• ·         Go upstairs, put rugs in washing machine--get pans from kitchen. Realize bugs are everywhere--spray down kitchen.
• ·         Wash vegetables, cut cucumbers and carrots, make pickle liquid put all in fridge
• ·         Set out butter to soften, go clean bathroom
• ·         Container arrives (yay!) along with about 10 guys to unload two truck-loads of stuff. Go watch some of the commotion, take guys water and snacks.
• ·         Wash pans and bowls so I can make frosting.
• ·         Make frosting, frost cake. 
• ·         Do all dishes--realize not enough plates for company.
• ·         Go upstairs to get more plates/knives/forks/cups. Put rugs in dryer. 
• ·         Realize bug spray all over these dishes from upstairs. Wash them.
• ·         Start sweeping living room, move chair and find almost dead mouse. 
• ·         Run into hallway and wait for help--but everyone is busy and that is dumb.
• ·         Go back and smush mouse with long handled dust pan. Be very grossed out. It squirts. 
• ·         Throw away dead mouse and rest of trash while I'm at it. 
• ·         Dump out all the baskets in the house checking for more mice. 
• ·         Finish sweeping.
• ·         Mop up mouse goo.
• ·         Get different mop and mop kitchen and living room. 
• ·         Wash out gross mop. And proceed to bleach my hands about a million times which really burns my cuts. 
• ·         Guys arrive dripping wet (it started pouring) who need keys because a truck ran into power lines and the repair men need to turn on lights to see if they fixed it right. (yes, in the rain) Give them towels and keys.
• ·         Rearrange tables with chairs from upstairs, put on tablecloth realize haven't put food in oven yet--
• ·         Turn oven to "temperature of the sun" and put food in. 
• ·         guests arrive. 

Yep, that’s even more bustling around, and still nothing more exciting and glamorous than “made dinner and cleaned up”. 

And then there are other days where I have no tasks to complete at all. Seriously. I can just sit in my house and write ridiculously long blog posts, and chat with people who mill about in the hallway outside. That is certainly not making any brochure.

Don’t misunderstand: I am not mocking the work or the workers that do “brochure worthy” works. Praise God for the soldiers in the vanguard who scale mountains, and build cathedrals, and beat back evil in powerful, memorable, laudable ways! Praise God for the encouragement, inspiration and celebration of God’s power that can come from hearing about the accomplishments of faithful champions.

Maybe you, like me, are more often left sweeping up after the soldiers tromp through. 

Maybe you, like me, forget that can be God’s work too. 

Ya see, so often the reason I want to do good works is to glorify me. And so often the real work that needs to be done, the work that will glorify HIM, just isn’t that much fun.

Are you a worker who will never make the brochure? Are you faithfully visiting the nursing home week after week and can’t find anyone to go with you? Are you writing to some prisoner who still doesn’t seem to be getting it? Are you wiping snotty noses and explaining why biting your sister isn’t acceptable and feeling completely alone? Are you working your phone tree once again, realizing it’s another quarter when nobody will teach that class? Are you modeling a Godly response to a spouse who doesn’t seem to be making an effort? Are you coming early to set up chairs and staying late to turn out lights, even though someone else promised they would? Are you listening compassionately, patiently, once again to that friend who is stuck in the same old trap again?

Are you doing work that will never make the brochures?

 Matthew 6:1-4 “Take care! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired, for then you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. ² When you give a gift to a beggar, don’t shout about it as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you in all earnestness, they have received all the reward they will ever get. ³ But when you do a kindness to someone, do it secretly—don’t tell your left hand what your right hand is doing. ⁴ And your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you.

January Update

Hello all:

January was a bear. We were presented with new challenges and, although they may not have been handled in the way they best could have, they were handled the best we could manage.

The year began with a large group from Texas Tech University Health Science Center, TTU Allied Health program and doctors from a variety of kinds of fields. They descended upon us for medical brigades. We often have medical brigades. In theory, because of the excellence in staff we have here, they almost run themselves...or so I thought. Normally when there is a medical brigade there is also a group of general short-term missionaries working here at the same time. The "non-medical" portion of guests are my responsibility as far as projects, translators, transportation and associated logistics. I have not had the pleasure of working closely with a medical brigade in a leadership role.

Cut to Jinotega's Victoria Motta Hospital. Sitting in a chair awaiting a visit with a cardiologist is our fearless leader, Benny Baker. Turns out Benny had trouble breathing in the middle of the night and it was no small matter. Thank God he is doing well now after cardiac valve repair and triple bi-pass surgery in Dallas. So while he is being repaired and recuperating Sheila and I are trying to hold down the fort in Jinotega. Remember, we have never been involved in a medical brigade here before.

God blessed us with able-bodied, seasoned medical missionaries on whom to cut our medical brigade teeth. I am not sure if He could have sent any better crew for this experience. Kudos to the Red Raider leadership.

Benny continues to recover in the DFW area and we expect his return to Nicaragua in late February/early March. We will be very excited for he and Donna to return and we will welcome them with a little different viewpoint of what they do. 

Other than that, we continue to line up for a busy spring.

On the residency front, all our paperwork has been accepted and we are officially in line to become residents. On 03 March we will return to Immigration for our interview. At that time they will tell us what is next. All adoption proceedings are pending a green light (or would that be a green card?) from Immigration here. Thank you for prayerfully helping us with this.

We have been having some fun in Managua. A few months back we took some children from the local church to swim at the Las Mercedes/Best Western hotel in Managua. We use the opportunity to show the kids a good time, let them eat at a real restaurant, be exposed to a bit broader world and teach them that God has given them the ability to change their circumstances. We have probably done this six or seven times in the past year. We now plan a trip for the boys and a trip for the girls. That is the easiest way to divide the crowd. In the groups this time there were 9 who had never been to Managua before. One girl, who lives in nearby Apanas, said she had never been to Managua but had been to Jinotega many times. I asked her where else she had been she replied, "Only Jinotega and Apanas." These trips are always a blessing and always a reminder that I'm not as young as I used to be.

This time we had a hidden surprise. I always send Roberto, the manager of the hotel a "thank you" email along with a photo of the children. (See attached photo.) We have a great relationship with him and his staff. This the hotel where Mision Para Cristo puts people up the first and last nights of their trips - so we do pretty well by him. He sent me an email that In part says, "The happiness expressed on the children's faces today was priceless. You have a friend in me, and I will always look after you and the children (when you can visit). The children are beautiful and God is the greatest. You are doing a wonderful thing, that is a blessing for all of us. You are showing these Children what Christ is all about as you say, 'grace, peace and mercy.' I am always very happy to see you. You have a very soothing affect on me, I feel reassured whenever I see you. You are among my favorite guests, I would never jeopardize that friendship. Thank you for being very important to us and for your kindness." 

I was unaware that Roberto knew what an impact he was having and this past trip was the first time I knew he even saw us while we were there. The point of this is to remind us that we don't always know when and who we are impacting with what we do.  I hope Roberto understands how much he allows us to impact others positively. I am sure he knows for Whom we are working.  

Specific Prayer Requests:

• Sale of our 2006 GMC pick-up truck (now available for only $9,000). We need to sell it as we have had to have some major work done on the house in Georgetown.
• Good, affordable answers to house issues in Georgetown.
• Smooth process as we complete the residency interview.
• Thanks for how far we have come in the process to date.
• The next big step - initiating the adoption process.
• Benny's recovery.
• Physical strength and much needed wisdom.
• Thanks for good health.
• Thanks for continued support: spiritual first and financial second

Grace, peace and Mercy...but mostly Mercy,

"Coach" Jonathan L. Holland,

Executive Director, Sight For Sore Eyes Foundation, Inc.

Deputy Director, Mision Para Cristo, Jinotega, Nicaragua

Fruit of the day: Name that citrus

We quite often play a game called "name that citrus". Well, technically, Jonathan plays it the most, and he usually calls it, "Could this be a lime?"

We are blessed here with lots of great tropical fruits. The main citrus available are limes, and several varieties of oranges. The problem is--sometimes we can't tell them apart. The word in Spanish typically translated "lime" is "limón" (sounds roughly like lemon). That is also a reasonable translation for lemon. But there aren't any lemons here. Everybody who visits asks me why--but I don't know. There just aren't. 

Now you should know, Jonathan loooooves him some limes--in his drinks, on his chicken, all over a taco--if you squeeze lime on it he will probably eat it. So he frequently goes out to buy small, round green citrus fruit, which sometimes turn out to be limes, and sometimes are orange inside and very bitter. 

roll the dice...will it be a lime?

or one of these?

I always ask the market vendors what they call them. I always ask what color they will be inside. I still never have any idea what I am buying. I have heard these called "limón agrios" which translates "citrus limes" or "sour limes". I have also heard them called beer limes. I have heard them called sour oranges. 

Jonathan calls them junk. He is not a fan.

So to turn up the confusion level, a friend gave me a giant citrus-y thing she found while visiting friends in the mountains. Our best guess was that it must be a grapefruit, mainly based on its size.

I did my best to check around for the internet's opinion of what this big citrus-y thing might be, but didn't find any conclusive evidence. It still seemed too oblong to be a grapefruit, but I couldn't find anything else that quite fit. It was obviously citrus--and had a very spine-y stem. It was ripening from mottled green to a brighter and brighter yellow. 

Once I got it open so I could taste it--I was even more confused. Definitely not a grapefruit. 

Objectivity was what was needed. It was time for a blind poll. So I took little chunks, warned people that what there were about to eat was sour and that they should tell me what it was. 

The results? 100% said "lemon". 

And after checking around, it seems they may be right. Giant Ponderosa Lemon

So I guess we do have lemons in Nicaragua after all. Just really really giant ones.  

P.S. If any of you are friends with a botanist--I could really use some tutoring. 

One full Christmas

This Christmas has been so full. Full of activity and full of reflection. More than any other time, this Christmas has been difficult to nail down to one day. It began for us, I suppose, during our time in the US when we got to see and celebrate the blessing of being with family. And our time there was certainly full of EATING. It was a time of being not just full--but regretfully over-full.

But the Christmas rush certainly didn't end with our return to Nicaragua. In fact, the days immediately before and after the calendar day of Christmas were jam packed! Shipping containers of 'smile boxes' to be unloaded and distributed, church parties, dinners with friends, school events, movie nights, invitations given and received to visit with various church families--a very full time.

The days were so full that some days it was hard for me to see how full of blessing they were. Maybe you can identify. Maybe your holidays, too, sometimes get too full of events and places to be, and you find yourself longing for February when there's just a whole lot of nothing. I confess, that the lines of people stopping by and bringing a friendly greeting were wearing me out. 

And then there were just the crowds. See, the thing about being on the distribution end of any organized giving--is that somebody has to close the line. Somebody has to be the one to say, "No, sorry, no more." and that person is nobody's favorite. Some people take that news with grace and understanding. Some people are going to show their disappointment in more emotional ways. It doesn't mean people are ungrateful, or overly entitled. We've all been there, focusing on what we think we've missed instead of the mountains that we have. But it can still be a draining exchange. I could see this wearing down on Jonathan, as he longed for an exchange where "nobody asks for anything".

So, the logical thing to do in the midst of this over-fullness is to lock all the doors, put on your pj's and hide from everything and everybody, right? I was really feeling the pull to hide. I was beginning to imagine that Jonathan must know how Jesus felt when crowds kept following Him. At one point we literally had to knock on our front door to get OUT of the building, because so many people were around the door wouldn't open.  

You see, it is soooo great to get to play Santa Claus. It is a great blessing to be in the position of being able to bless others. But, bluntly--honestly--it's also not that hard to get tired of it. 

Mark 3:20

One time Jesus entered a house, and the crowds began to gather again. Soon he and his disciples couldn’t even find time to eat.

Galatians 6:9

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up

But we didn't hide. Instead, we threw one more party. And I am so so so glad that we did. This gathering was for the "market kids" only. This is our shorthand for our neighbors, for the kids we see every day. The Mission's building sits in the very center of the market district of town, the busiest "downtown" spot in Jinotega. Lots of families make their living selling from officially sanctioned stalls, and plenty more by walking around with their store wares strapped to their body. Some of their kids attend school, some stay with them all day, but at some point during the day these kids are going to be hanging out at mom or dad's "work", which happens to be our front parking lot. So we hang out with them too. 

In Nicaragua, being called a "market seller" isn't exactly a compliment. So being a "market kid" isn't a mark of high social status either. I know this same batch of kids in South Dallas, in trailer parks, in any place that parents are spending all their time working for the elements of survival, and without time left for consistent training time with their kids. These kids are loved, but largely ignored. Wild and hungry--for dinner and for attention. 

It was the best party ever. 

There were no presents. 

It wasn't a big feast. 

The guests were muddy, rather smelly and pretty ill-behaved. 

But I have never been at a gathering where everyone was so absolutely excited to be there. 19 kids and 5 of their parents came for dinner and a movie. We shared a big pot of vegetable soup with crackers, and Jonathan shared a super brief message about friendship and glorifying God. 

And my heart was so full. 

Throughout the movie moms squealed and provided commentary, just as excited as the kids by the cartoon. Kids tried their very hardest to walk, and not jump, and not squeal--but just couldn't contain their excitement at the flushing toilets and the size of the room and the thrill of being there. As we dished out the simple soup, the kids played "Who wants my cracker?" and delighted in being able to give something away--and get it back--and give it away again. 

And don't get me wrong. I am not comparing myself or my husband to Jesus. Not even a little. The fact is, I spent a big part of this Christmas feeling grinchy and grouchy and whiney that it was too full. 

But then, I kinda "got it". Even though Jesus was so worn out by the crowds, even when they left without saying "thank you", even when they followed Him and listened to Him and didn't hear what He was saying, even when he really needed a break and just a little bit of time away from the crush of people--

Matthew 9:36

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

See, for just a minute, I started to "get it". That God sent His Son because He loved us. And that Jesus puts up with me because of the compassion He has for me, and perhaps it is at its utmost when I am helpless and empty and so obviously without ability to "be good" on my own.  

Galatians 6:8-10

8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. 9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. 10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Ephesians 3:19

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Wishing each of you a very full and overflowing Christmas this year, and every year. And may 2014 be full to the very brim.

Luke 6:38

Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”