As I write this I am sliding around in the back of the van
as we wind our way up the mountains to Jinotega. The cacophonous babble assaulting my ears is
slowly forming the Spanish I was just beginning to understand when we last
left. The bigness of the valleys; the
street-side vendors with iguanas, fish, barrels, fruit, and furniture; the
thickets of trees all in bloom; the families plodding along with bags of goods
on their backs—all flashing by the windows as this trip to the states comes to
a close—feel oddly like some sentimental music video.
Ever have one of those moments? This trip has really been a
time of reflection for me. Maybe that’s bad. I know it can be scary. So many
moments these last few weeks have felt like orchestrated moments in a
classroom—“What am I meant to learn here?”
One of those moments came while at my brother’s house in
Oregon. It was the day before my sister-in-law’s funeral, family had gathered
to talk and eat, and my great-nephew was getting antsy. He was ready to be home
and he was the kind of crabby a five-year-old gets when it’s dark outside and
the treats have already been eaten.
To distract him, we sat down to play “interview.” You know
how to play—you make that same I’m-taking –you-very-seriously-face that you’ve
seen on Bill Cosby in those old clip shows that try to get kids to say
something embarrassing about their parents. Here’s a partial transcript:
Me: So what is your baby sister good at?
T: I don’t really know. Nothing really. She’s a baby
Me: I bet she’s good at crying.
T: Yea sometimes. She used to cry more than she does now.
Me: How ‘bout your grandpa? What’s he good at?
T: Everything, really . And also building.
Me: How ‘bout if you get big and you have a son? What will
he be good at?
T: Well, I don’t really know. I’ll probably be good at something, and then
my son will watch me and be good at it too.
Me: Do you ever mess up and do bad stuff?
T: Yea. I get really mad and throw a tantrum and then I’m in
trouble.
Me: How ‘bout your Grandpa? Does he ever mess up? What does
he say when he gets mad?
T: No. He doesn’t ever do anything bad.
Me: Not ever? I bet he gets mad…what does he say?
T: No. He doesn’t say mad stuff.
OK—I know, the kid sounds like some kind of crazy kiss up.
Or that his grandpa must have been holding cue cards covered in candy bars—but
he was so very sincere. And don’t forget
the circumstances: this grandpa that he can find no fault with is preparing for
the funeral of the woman he loves, and this boy is crabby and tired and
probably a little overwhelmed by all the unfamiliar family swirling around the
kitchen table. And yet he reports that his grandpa doesn’t say mad stuff and he
never does anything bad.
What would a five year old say about me? There have been some occasions this very week in which my
behavior would definitely not be five-year-old approved.
I’ve thought a lot about this interview. I’ve wondered if my brother is so very
self-controlled, or my nephew has an unrealistically rosy view of him. But I realized those two ideas probably can’t truly be separated. Don’t we often behave in the ways people
expect us to? And don’t we often see in people what we choose to look for? I
wonder how much of the admirable in each of us is a product of the admiration
of those who love us. After all, isn’t
that the model we’re given?
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us
in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
He
didn’t wait for us to be worthy to show us how much we are worth to Him. And we
are drawn to live in more and more worthy ways when we become aware of the
price He paid for us.
As I look around
me in this familiar, alien place—I can’t help but wonder if how I see my
circumstances impacts how I will experience them. If how I see the people around me will impact
what they may become. I hope I will see
a land full of worthy souls—and that I will be found worthy among them. Maybe even in the eyes of a five-year-old.
What we forget sometimes untill we are reminded by a 5 year old is that Love covers a multitude of Sins! And even as we are all imperfect and fall short. God's Love can forgive and erase all the imperfections in our lives! When that 5 year old child is looking at his Grandpa with love all the wrong is erased! Let the little children come unto me Jesus said. I think it is because of their purity and Love. LOVE you and the work you are doing with children may your lives be blessed as you bless us with seeing What is Love. Your imperfect but Loving brother Dave
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon this blog from a post a friend made and it peeked my attention. This very topic has been an intentional focus for my husband and me for many years, twenty two I guess since that is the age of our oldest grandchild. Our youngest is about one and a half. Our thought was, and still is, that if we can directly influence 13 grandchildren, maybe indirectly influence at least twice that many (and on from there).
ReplyDeleteAs far as what they think of us, depends on the day, the happenings, and how we deal with situations. The underlining factor of our relationship with them is love. I wish I could say, always and in every instance, it is unconditional, but we fail at that from time to time. Over all, though they see Nana and Papas hearts as a safe heaven. A place they will come away from knowing they are loved.
They five year old 10 year old thinktguer papa does no wrong and knows everything, as does the 22 year old. The other 10 and some where in between. It is still though, our belief that the Father has given us a special role in thier lives because you see, some of them come for broken homes or homes where is no spiritual leader.
Great blog, by the way. Thanks