It's easy to pay attention to pain. Sometimes it grows slowly over time until it demands your attention--sometimes it arrives all at once. But it rarely leaves all at once. It's often pretty hard to pinpoint the exact moment it was relieved.
I'm thinking about pain relief today. In my physical body--I have a newly arrived, annoying little pain. Every time I move I am reminded of it. I have thought "Ow!" about 486 times today. But yesterday, I did not once think, "Hey my shoulder feels fine." And when this pain passes--I may not even notice it is gone. If I do--I bet I won't notice its absence 486 times! But today I did notice the absence of one particular pain. Today I realized that particular heartache has been gone for a while--and I barely even recognized its absence until now.
Cleaning and organizing I ran across a collection of songs and put it on to play. As music has a way of doing, it took me back to a very specific time in my life--when those songs seemed to be the very cry of my spirit: "...be still my soul...I will walk through the fire...His eye is on the sparrow..."
Those songs played today, and I listened--and sang along--and noticed that they were lovely. Today they were just songs. There was a time when those melodies overwhelmed me with tears and a tightness in my chest and guts that was the physical part of the bleeding in my spirit. As the songs played and drew my memory back to that time--I was aware how different they sound to me now. The songs aren't different--but now that part of me that was so broken is well.
Scarred? Absolutely. But no longer bleeding.
When that pain was fresh it was constantly on my mind, and I was constantly begging in prayer for relief. That relief was granted. I noticed. I was grateful. I said some thank you's. But I am about 465 "thank-you's" behind. I guess I didn't really realize how sick I was until I got well.
It gave me hope for these newer aches and pains in my spirit. These too might pass. One day I might wake up and realize these don't hurt anymore either.
Psalm 30: 1-3
I will exalt you, Lord,for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
What spectacular insight you have, Sheila....and such wonderful ability to not only recognize this portrayal within yourself, but to actually give words to it and to have it resound within me and hopefully others so poignantly. You have a marvelous gift that in your quiet demeanor , I have never known. I thank you for this portrait of yourself and your gift. It is far beyond anything that I would be able to express about my own experience, but I recognized it when you expressed it.
ReplyDelete