Dear 'Merica,
I didn't get the memo in the immigration line that all human females were going to be required to wear leggings and tall boots. How long am I allowed to stay in the country with only my citizenship and plain ol' shoes?
Sincerely,
an un-fashioable-ista
Dear 'Merica,
WHY aren't the libraries full? Seriously, have people seen what's in there? They are sooo nice! Couches, coffee shops, carpeting, computers, artwork, books, books, books, books--and you can go in completely FREE! I understand why you might be intimidated, might think all this beautiful stuff must be reserved for members of some expensive, exclusive club. But you, me, anybody--are all welcome to go in without any charge! Honestly people, Get thee to a Library!
Sincerely,
a country bumpkin
Dear 'Merica,
Hey. Hey. Listen. I know you feel guilty a lot. I've seen your first-draft "Resolutions 2015" and it's plum full of things you won't be eating, things you won't be buying. Full of plans to simplify your life (that for some reason require lots of color coordinated stickers and labels made with penmanship you don't possess). I just want to encourage you to give yourself a break! And some credit for how many good choices you are making. Sure, you probably give in to sub-optimal choices. But you should totally grade yourself on a curve for how many choices you have to make. And all the time, too! Even if you buy "healthy good stuff" at the grocery store, you've got to drive past 12 burger places, 3 ice cream shops, and avoid all the delicious stuff in your cupboard already. You have to choose over and over and over in order to actually get that "healthy good stuff" into your face. And I know that you want your house to look like some minimalist magazine cover. But there is like, Dollar Tree and stuff. Just miles and miles of stores full of pretty sparkly stuff that probably would be nice to have. And even if you avoid all those stores, you can tap a few keys and guy will just bring stuff right to your door. You say "no" to bad choices a bunch of times for every time you say "yes". Keep fighting, but give yourself 2 points.
Sincerely,
a "giving you some credit"-or
Dear 'Merica,
What is your deal with the weather? Really pick a season, people. And evidently it doesn't matter what part of the country you're in, everyplace I check it's gonna be Monday: 80 degrees, Tuesday 33 degrees...you're killing me!
Sincerely,
a hot house plant who can't adjust
Dear 'Merica,
I had cynically assumed that all those fall photos of you and your friends frolicking (in tall boots) through piles of leaves were heavily filtered and edited. Boy, was I wrong! Fall is so so beautiful! What a wonderful latitude to live at with all these kaleidoscope trees. Just lovely.
Sincerely,
foliage so bright, I gotta wear shades
Dear 'Merica,
For real? Free toilet paper in all the bathrooms! This is great! I won't bother to carry my own then, since you have generously provided it in all the bathrooms already...except this one.
Sincerely,
trying to make a pal at the truckstop
Dear 'Merica,
What are you doing to pizza? Pretzel crust pizza, bacon and cheese stuffed crust pizza, philly steak sandwich pizza, taco salad pizza...What's going on? What problem are these innovations addressing? Here's the thing--you know what's already delicious? Pizza. I mean, it would make sense if you were creating pretzel crust broccoli or something. But do you really have to trick people into eating pizza? It's pizza!
The indescribable luxury of washing my hands in hot water at the sink. ahhhh..... And don't even get me started on bathtubs. I just don't have the words.
Dear 'Merica,
Why do you insist on calling everything "pumpkin spice"?? Pumpkin is not a spice, it is a squash. I think you mean to say "cinnamon". You shouldn't feel the need to hide that. Cinnamon is a perfectly delicious spice. Enjoy it!
Dear 'Merica,
What are you doing to pizza? Pretzel crust pizza, bacon and cheese stuffed crust pizza, philly steak sandwich pizza, taco salad pizza...What's going on? What problem are these innovations addressing? Here's the thing--you know what's already delicious? Pizza. I mean, it would make sense if you were creating pretzel crust broccoli or something. But do you really have to trick people into eating pizza? It's pizza!
Sincerely,
trying to order plain 'ol pizza flavored pizza
Dear 'Merica,The indescribable luxury of washing my hands in hot water at the sink. ahhhh..... And don't even get me started on bathtubs. I just don't have the words.
Sincerely,
one living it up like royalty
Dear 'Merica,
Why do you insist on calling everything "pumpkin spice"?? Pumpkin is not a spice, it is a squash. I think you mean to say "cinnamon". You shouldn't feel the need to hide that. Cinnamon is a perfectly delicious spice. Enjoy it!
Sincerely,
a spice cabinet aficionado
a spice cabinet aficionado
Shhh...can we keep this one just between us? For the first time, I'd really rather stay here with you. Not because I don't love the life that we live in Nicaragua, or because I don't value the work we get to participate in there. It's just that I miss how easy it is here. How comfortable. Everything is just so convenient. That used to be a judgmental, negative word.
And I guess the remarkableness of convenience is a badge of how acclimated and proficient we have become in our Nicaraguan life. I can celebrate that. I don't ever go through my day there, thinking "things are hard." But digging warm toes into plush carpet knowing I can choose the temperature with the touch of a button. Standing in front of a full pantry weighing my options, and knowing that if I don't like them, I could be sitting in a chair being served anything I could dream of...well, it's hard to want to leave that level of convenience behind.
Like most "gut reactions" I know this will pass. But for tonight, just between us 'Merica, I hate to leave you and your comforts.
Sincerely,
a nostalgic nomad
